Read all about it...

I think it was Eddie Izzard who said in one of his shows "Some people like to tell everybody they're widely read. Well I can't - I don't read a lot of books, in fact you could say that I'm very thinly read". Same goes for me I'm afraid.

I recent spotted a new Library Thing feature on Cherrypie's blog and thought I might "borrow" the idea as a nice little addition to this one. It's a great site where you can create a virtual library of all of your books, have a nose around to see who reads the same sort of things as you do, share reviews with people and so on.

So this morning, I ventured into the dreaded box room again and decided to dig out all of my books and set up my own on-line library. I have to say I was horrified by the small quantity of books I found in the house and to my complete shame, there are several listed in the library that I have never got round to reading. More to the point there are certain books which I'm certain I didn't sell in my e-Bay madness a couple of years ago such as the "Hitchhikers" four part trilogy, The Lord of the Rings trilogy and various other collections of humorous anecdotes and poems.

As I see it, there is only one solution - I obviously haven't quite finished moving house after all...

It had to happen...

I've been writing this blog for over 18 months and to date I'd managed quite happily to avoid being tagged. Well I've finally been caught and Cherrypie is the guilty party. I already have a link on here to a list of 30 things about me, but let's see if I can get through this without cheating.

The instructions are "First post your six random things about yourself, then you go to six other blogs and let them know they are tagged and to find the details on your blog."


1. As a child I wrote a letter to the BBC complaining that they took Top of the Pops to cover World Cup football. I'm still not much of a football fan but these days would prefer to watch that than the crap that seems to reside in the charts.

2. I was left in my pushchair on Southsea common as my mother turned and fled from an on-coming hovercraft.

3. I was also left in my pram outside Dingles department store when Mum actually lived out the sitcom sketch of getting home from the shops thinking "I'm sure I've forgotten something"

4. I didn't leave home until I was 27 - I suppose I should have got the hint from 2 & 3

5. I have a small birthmark that not many people know about and even fewer have seen

6. Despite my propensity for beer consumption, at home I've had a cupboard full of wines, spirits and beer since before Christmas - bring on barbie season!


So there you go. Fascinating eh? Many of my readers & commenters don't have blogs of their own (yet), but I'll pass the baton onto Declan, Richard, Woja, Jeremy, Phil and Little Sis...

Hello Moto...

After yesterday's little game of "will they, won't they" I'm pleased to report that today I took delivery of mobile phone number six. Not that I run six mobile phones at once I hasten to add, but I finally decided to relegate my trusty old P800 to the back catalogue and venture into something new.

It's been a difficult phone to replace as it was full of plenty of gadgets and gizmos that set it well ahead of it's time when it was first introduced. In fact, it proved a most effective means of shaking off telesales calls as nobody was interested in upgrading it to a higher spec model for the same monthly contract rate. The time had come for a change though as it was starting to fail more frequently as it hobbled into it's senior years and quite frankly, I was getting fed up of the huge block in my pocket that raised my voice three octaves whenever I sat down.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I present the new kid in town, the Motorola RAZR V3x:



I've lost a couple of features that the last phone had, but this has some features that the last one didn't so on balance, I'm happy that it's a better and more appropriate phone for me.

Much of this afternoon has been spent wading through the contacts on the old phone, doing a bit of selective editing out of people I've not heard from for years, transferring the "survivors" to the new one and synchronising everything with my Outlook contacts on the laptop.

The next exciting task is to get in touch with all of these people and let them know the new number. Good job there's plenty of free texts included with the new contract...

Think of a number...

On a bored Sunday afternoon three years ago, I took an on-line IQ test on the BBC website as part of their Test the Nation campaign and surprised myself with a score of 140. I know that because I've just found the e-mail I sent to Little Sis inviting her to have a go.

Some of us were discussing IQ results in the pub over the weekend, (I seem to recall after accusing somebody of possibly achieving double figures) and I thought it was about time for an update.

So, in the early caffeine-induced-insomniac hours of this morning, I found this site and was horrified to see my score had dropped to 131. Where did my nine points go? Are the increasing number of grey hairs I'm spotting on my scalp replacing grey cells? Or was it just because it was so early in the day? Perhaps it's distorted by the fact that I can't re-enact the same test from the BBC. I had to find some more.

10:00am I completed this one but I've no idea how I've got on as they haven't bothered to reply.

Went outside & mowed the front lawn to see if fresh air and exercise would make a difference.

11:00am I completed this one with an even worse score of 129, based on my answering all questions, well within the allotted timescale and getting only 4 wrong. A bit harsh I think.

Now you would expect that by carrying on, the scores should improve as your mind gets used to the nature of questions answered. Well I can't leave the house as I'm waiting for a parcel, so let's give this one a go. Wow! 152, including two interruptions!

Only one place left to try - I've got to have a go at the MENSA workout seeing as you can't do the official test online. Well at 27 out of 30, apparently I have a high chance of passing the test, but as I'm not sure whether I can be bothered now.

In the meantime on the subject of numbers, the parcel I've been waiting in for is a new mobile phone which hasn't arrived in the post as stated on their internet tracking service. The chap on the "help" line told me it will arrive by courier tomorrow, but I've just received an e-mail from them saying it's not coming at all!

Luckily for me, a good friend of mine happens to run one of their high street stores but I thought I'd give their helpline another chance. Would you believe, it is coming some time tomorrow after all.

All of this mental strain has worn me down so I think I'll nip to the Tap and enjoy a nice pint. Something I know I can always count on...

Home at last...

After only four months and 20 days, I finally finished moving out of Mum & Dad's place and into the bungalow today.

Strictly speaking, I still have to pick up some shelving units for the garage but I'm leaving that until the last possible moment due to the domino effect of jobs that will appear on the "to do" list once I get the garage organised.

Looking around at today's load, I'm not entirely sure why I didn't just stop off at the tip first:

~ My fishing rod - bought around 30 years ago and probably not been near water for the last 29
~ My Nodor bristle dartboard - in need of a clean but otherwise in good condition.Oh, and in need of my darts wherever they are.
~ My crash helmet - although I haven't owned a motorbike for over 20 years
~ Several boxes full of household cleaning products courtesy of several years worth of shop sales at work
~ Two armfuls of clothes that are far too old or small to see the light of day on me any more.

Quite honestly, the way the bread machine is churning out baked goods right now, the "too small" criteria above is looking highly unlikely to change either...

Good intentions...

Today was supposed to be my busy day; time to work my way through the list of outstanding chores and catch up on the inevitable sleep required after a day on the beer yesterday.

However, despite the quantity of alcohol consumed yesterday I was up with the larks this morning and had managed to get out to the local Tesco and back before 7:30.

By 12:30, I'd just about cleared the list. Laundry done, house hoovered, hot cross buns made, spicy fruit loaf whirring round the bread machine as I write, bought some garden furniture, renewed my car insurance and the conditions outside are still too wet to consider mowing the lawn of trimming the hedges.

I thought I'd take a bit of time out to catch up on the blogs, but on the first one I've read I see that Delcatto is out for a few beers this afternoon so I may have to re-evaluate my plans...

Happy Easter...

My Easter post last year was a collection of links to a number of pictures, some more appropriate than others, but all meant to be entertaining on some level or other. That same post linked to a picture of some bunny girls and to this day, the Google Image search for "bunnies" remains the top reason people arrive here from search engines.

They must be very disappointed and not to mention persistent - I looked for it today and even with safe search off, I couldn't find it amongst 40 pages.

Anyway, here's this year's cute bunny picture discovered on my travels around the web this morning



As a more typical gesture from me, I ask you all again to check out the bunnies on the Angry Alien website. Jennifer Shiman has created a load of animated film parodies, 20 at the last count, each re-enacted in 30 seconds by bunnies and all both very clever and very funny. I've linked to them from this blog pretty much since day one, but another shameless plug won't go amiss. I should also thank Wayne who told me about them in the first place.

So take a look, have a laugh and have a very Happy Easter...

Today's witterings...

Just a couple of things that happened today that aren't worthy of a full blown rant but were irritating all the same.

A couple of weeks before I was due to move into the bungalow, I signed up for a deal for my phone, tv and broadband which at the time I considered quite reasonable. I ignored the fact that just after Christmas they reduced the package price to "new" customers (which clearly didn't include me by this time) and I let that go.

I accept that it's my own fault for not scrutinising my bill more closely before, but I spotted tonight that they've been charging me extra each month for a "Non DD Handling Charge" despite the fact that I have paid by direct debit since day one. I highlighted their error with a quick call this evening, (or rather a quick conversation after 15 minutes alledgedly on hold listening to their adverts) and they agreed to credit my account for the 5 months worth of charges. Except they couldn't adjust this month's payment as it has already been taken - 7 days before it was due. What the hell, we're only talking about a tenner and at least I am going to get it back.


In a completely unrelated incident, I was sat this evening enjoying a caffeine & fresh bread free supper and I thought I'd catch up with some local news seeing as I was home in time to watch it for a change. I've posted before about the diminishing quality of news reporting on the BBC and I'm afraid it doesn't appear to be showing signs of any improvement.

Our local media "hero" often struggles along quite embarassingly and often fails to recognise the difference between Paxman-esque direct questioning and just being downright rude. On a good day, he can very nearly win a battle of wits with the 7 year old child he's interviewing in such a patronising manner. However, this evening's poll result displayed a complete new depth of poor quality journalism. The question was whether the merger of regional police forces was likely to improve their performance. Apparently,

"26% thought yes, 74% thought no and rather surprisingly, nobody said they were not interested"

Fancy that, not one of the local viewers was so lacking in interest that they felt compelled to pick up the phone to formally register their complete apathy...

What have I started...

I was convinced that yesterdays post brought the church bingo card up to date, assuming of course that I skip the suggestion from Cherrypie to take an overly scenic route home to find some more. (Although one of the churches mentioned is pictured in the original post.)

Anyway, driving home tonight, the same way as I've travelled for the best part of 10 years, I glanced across to look at the looming black cloud (even blacker than the one that usually shadows the town), when I spotted this on the horizon:



Now I always thought they took years to build, but I'm starting to believe that somebody somewhere is having a laugh at my expense...

Bingo update...

Believe it or not, I have actually been working on the Church Bingo post for quite a while. Although it originally started with casual observations from the car, I ended up tracing my route to work on the map, identifying the church towers, collecting photos and reducing them to appropriate thumbnail size.

As if that wasn't sad enough, I even double checked the map to see if there were any more likely candidates within viewing range and when I was confident that my collection was complete, I published the post.

Lo and behold, on my Billy-Whizz return journey home along the M180 this evening, I spotted this one:



It can only be seen on the way home and I suspect, only on a particularly clear day and I began to wonder whether there is some deeply theological or spiritual lesson to be taken from this exercise.

Or perhaps I'm simply not as observant or skilled at bingo as I thought I was...

Man can not live by bread alone...

Not even with lots of fresh coffee.

I suspect that had I still been a little boy at home and yesterdays gadgets had been presents they would have been put away "until you learn how to play with them properly".

Rather like a spoilt child, I have consumed more fresh coffee and bread in the last 24 hours than I have for some considerable time. What's more, I've discovered this evening that apparently, the two packs of ground coffee I bought are meant to be consumed within two weeks of opening and I still have 99 breadmaker recipes to go at, so perhaps it's as well that I finish work for ten days on Thursday evening. Although I suspect that even by then I'll be too fat to move and too wired to sleep...

Flour Power...

Following yesterday's disastrous foray into the art of baking, I was determined not to give up without a fight. Casting aside all memories of my very moist (i.e. soggy) choc-mint sponge, I thought I'd try something even more ambitious and attempt a loaf of bread. After all, if it's harder to bake bread than cake (so I'm told) then I will have compensated for yesterday's mis-hap and the weekend will have been an overall success.

However, just to stack the odds a little more in my favour, I went out this afternoon to treat myself to one of these:



Cheating? Maybe, but if the blurb is to be believed then it is the equivalent of a magic box. You just throw all of the ingredients in, hit the button, leave it for a few hours and hey presto, one loaf of bread. Or a cake. Or pizza dough. Or a multitude of other delights for that matter.

While I was catching up on things I've been meaning to buy, I also picked up one of these today:



You can imagine the wonderful aroma around the house all afternoon.

So while the bread was baking, I've been experimenting with espressos, lattes, cappuccinos and regular filter coffee. How did my loaf of bread turn out? Excellent - take a look here. Which is just as well as I'll probably eating it for the next 72 hours wondering why I can't get to sleep...


Update: 8:25pm
Oh dear, it looks like I could be in trouble here. It's finally cooled enough to slice and it was all could do to not devour it all in one go. I knew I should have started with a bigger loaf...

Let them eat cake...

Hot on the heels of some of my recent culinary successes, it occurred to me last week that I ought to have a go at baking a cake. I seem to recall making Ginger Parkin from a packet mix many years ago, but that doesn't really count.

Having unexpectedly found myself at home tonight, I consulted a few websites and armed with laptop, I went forth into the kitchen and set to with making a chocolate mint sponge (one of my personal favourites).

It's fairly safe to say it didn't quite go to plan and I would have taken a photo to share the unveiling with you all except I couldn't hold the camera steady for laughing...

House...

I have a confession - over the last couple of years I've developed an obsession with church bingo. I don't mean that I have an urge to disappear down to the village hall every Thursday evening, but rather it's a way I've found of passing the time during my daily commute.

There are actually 11 churches that can be seen on my route into work




Aside from mentally checking them all off as I drive past them each morning, I've since found out which towns or villages they are in and the names of them all. In fact, if I take an alternative route home, there are another five


(Thanks to Paul Fenwick who is responsible for the original versions of most of the above photos)

In fact, with all of this gazing around, I suppose it's a wonder I've never driven into anybody...

Fish tales...

I tried sushi for the first time this evening.
Nigiri sushi to be exact.
Caringly prepared and pre-packed in the sandwich cabinet at Tesco.
(Well, probably not prepared in the sandwich cabinet)
Caringly consumed by me with chopsticks
(Well, I didn't eat the chopsticks).
Very tasty.
Very fishy.
Very likely I will eat it again.
Very unlikely any of this will make the news tonight...

Things on my mind...

I found out this morning that following the recent video interview at work, they've given the job to the other guy and why not - he's a decent kind of bloke who'll give it a good go. The problem I have is that despite people's kind comments today, I'm genuinely not that bothered but it's difficult to portray that without it sounding like sour grapes.

Yes, the interview was a shambles (not on my part I hasten to add), there was no extra money involved and more to the point, I got the impression today that they don't actually want him to do the job as advertised. No matter how I try, if I tell anyone that, it's going to sound as though I'm bitter despite the fact that I've still got a good job that I enjoy (most of the time), with great prospects.


Secondly, on a more serious note, after a long day I took a leisurely drive home this evening along the newly refurbished (and still incomplete) section of the M180 where I spotted a sign at the side of the road saying "Sign not in use". So that got me wondering how anyone is supposed to find out...

AVin' a larf...

They say the devil makes work for idle hands to do and this morning was my opportunity to put it to the test.

Today is water meter installation day, which as described in an earlier post, entails my having to take an entire day off work as they can't guarantee to be finished (or even here) in time for me to get to work for the afternoon. So what to do?

Firstly, because I knew I didn't have work today, it meant I could be a bit more relaxed at Lisa's leaving party last night. She leaves today to start a new life in Spain so it seemed only fitting that she got a really good send off. To put things in perspective, even I was found doing the timewarp, the conga, the Saturday Night Fever thing and some poorly timed random movements to Wham. Not bad for a bloke who "doesn't do dancing". Just in case you do get chance to look in Lisa, good luck and thanks again for a great night out.

Today's first task was to take full advantage of my last helping of un-metered water supply. I got up as though it was a normal morning, shaved, showered, made a cuppa, ate breakfast, washed up, cleaned my teeth, all before 7:30 am. There was no way they would arrive before 8:00 so I put a load of washing on aswell, but aside from topping the kettle up, that was about as far as my abuse of water consumption went bearing in mind it was far too cold to risk an expedition into the garden or wash the car.

I still had to find something to occupy a few hours without leaving the house and top of the list was to sort out the DVD recorder I bought before Christmas. Basically, I went out to buy a cheap DVD player to play films for the family while they were staying over at Christmas and ended up spending considerably more on a DVD recorder with hard drive. It played DVDs just fine, but I could never seem to tune it into the TV channels, which is kind of critical if you're wanting to record something. So today, after having wrestled with more SCART leads than you can poke a stick at, spent several minutes in complete panic when I thought I'd completely screwed up my new TV, I found to my subsequent amusement that all this time I only needed to press the AV button a couple of times on the remote.

Now I've actually ventured into the instruction manuals, I've discovered it does loads of things I didn't even realise. Why didn't I think of studying them before? Probably for the same reason as we never stop the car and ask for directions...

What goes around...

We had a great night last night at a surprise party for Rich to celebrate his turning 40 last week - hello mate if you're looking in! After months of preparation by Annita, everything appeared to go according to plan and he had absolutely no idea that a myriad of faces from past and present were waiting to celebrate with him.

I'm fairly certain that a mutual friend of mine and Rich, a Mr Pete Frenzy (currently residing in the US of A under the shadow of an enormous stainless steel arch) also passes the same milestone during April. I really ought to know the actual date, although we've only known each other for 23 years - sorry Pete!

The end of this month sees my old schoolmate Rob turn 40 and we'll be reviving an old tradition of celebrating his birthday with a session at the Cleethorpes beer festival - the first time for too many years.

So I have to wonder that as 2006 goes on and more of my old school and college mates turn the big four-oh, whether they'll find it as funny as it seemed to them all in January...

Balls to the Beatles...

I stumbled across this video a few days ago, but I've only just managed to find it in a format to share on here. It's a guy called Chris Bliss who's juggling in time to the Golden Slumbers medley by the Beatles. Sounds lame? Take a look - it's actually very impressive.



Sorry about the title Em, you know I love the Beatles really but it was too good an opportunity to miss...

Phun with fonetics...

I've spent a considerable amount of my working life in a customer service related role and as a result I like to think that I can maintain a little more patience than most, in sympathy for the poor soul at the other end of the line.

Case in point; I have been trying to register with the internet banking service that one of my credit card companies keeps pestering me about. For several months. Without success. And although I'm clearly no webmaster, I'm hardly a technophobe either. So I swallowed my pride and rang the company in question for some help. Unsurprisingly, the voice that answered was more reminiscent of a sunnier eastern location than the city 2 hours away where the bank's head offices are located.

Me: I seem to be having a problem registering for your online service
Call centre person: Sorry, I can't help with that but I'll put you through to our web support help centre. Can I help you with anything else?
Me: Actually yes, you don't seem to have my new address. I have now moved to [gave him my address]

At this point he proceeded to repeat my new address back to me using the phonetic alphabet. Now I'm not here to criticise the chap personally; indeed, his grasp of my native language was clearly much greater than mine will be of his and it is commendable that they had been taught the phonetic alphabet for such telephone confirmations, but they had obviously not been trained on how to use it.

For example, I would expect "Main Road" to be confirmed back to me as "Main - mike, alpha, indigo, november; Road - romeo, oscar, alpha, delta" and not "m as in mike, a as in alpha, i as in indigo," etc. You think I'm being petty? Even if I were to say that there are 36 characters of this I had to listen to? Back to the call:

CCP: OK we'll update that for you, is there anything else before I transfer your call?
Me: No thanks.
CCP: The line appears to be busy. While you're waiting can I tell you about our latest offers on balance transfers?
Me: No thanks, I just want to sort out the internet banking
CCP: It still appears to be busy, can I interest you in some of our insurance offers?
Me: No thanks, really, I just wanted so sort out my online registration
CCP: Still busy. Did I mention we have a low rate offer on cash advances at the moment.
Me: No, you didn't and I'm sorry but I'd rather you didn't persist with trying to sell me services whilst I'm paying for this call
CCP: No problem Sir. Oh the line appears to be free now
Me: [thinks] Well there's a surprise...
Web Support Person: I understand you have a problem signing into our internet service
Me: You see the problem is that you sent me a 16 digit number I have to enter on your screen, then a username, then a password, then a 6 digit login key, but it always throws me back out again. I answer the secret question with a response that I am 100% certain is correct after which I'm told there's another 16 digit number in the post because all online activity for the account has now been de-activated. Is there anyway we can go through this over the phone?
WSP: Well that should have worked. Are you sure you have the correct details?
Me: Yes, although I'm not 100% sure about the login key
WSP: Oh, you don't get to choose that, we generate that randomly
Me: So how do I find out what it is?
WSP: Well you need to log in first
Me: With all due respect, that appears to be where things are going wrong. If I could log on, we would not be having this conversation
WSP: Actually, its says on my screen here that your online account has been de-activated. We'll send you a new 16 digit number in the post then you can sign on again.
Me: I've had about five of these 16 digit numbers sent to me now and without wanting to sound arrogant, I don't think the problem is at this end
WSP: Well I'm afraid there's nothing you can do until your new number arrives
Me: [Beginning to think I'm talking to a loop tape and losing the will to live] OK maybe I'll try and contact you again when it arrives...

What a useless bunch of tango whisky alpha tangos...

Why bother...

Sometimes it can be a challenge trying to find something humorous to add to the blog regularly, but you can always rely on Ananova to provide you with a good story worth sharing:


Rollerblading cops scrapped

Police have scrapped a squad of Rollerblading cops - after discovering they can't chase criminals across grass.

The Royal Parks Police in London thought the Rollerblades would give the team extra speed.

According to The Sun Supt Derek Pollock admitted: "It was not a success. Not a lot of officers were interested because it hurts when you fall over. When people ran across grass, the guy on Rollerblades had to take them off."

The force has now reverted back to bicycles.

Supt Pollack added: "They go up and down steps. They're flexible."

Honestly, in a million years, I couldn't make stuff up as funny as that...

If I was a beer...

It's a long time since I've done one of these, but this one seemed somehow appropriate:

Microbrew (66% dark & bitter, 33% working class, 33% genuine)

Microbrews, though obscure, are pretty tasty things, and they continually win beer contests. I, personally, have a hard time getting past the hype and the slight air of pretention that surrounds any discussion of "hoppiness," "5-star scales," and the like. But their non-working-classness notwithstanding, Microbrew is one of the best categories on this test: dignified, intelligent, rare. Personality-wise, you have refined tastes (after all, microbrews are usually kind of expensive), but you know how to savour what you get. Your personality isn't exactly light and bubbly, but very you're well-liked by your close circle of friends. Your sense of humor is most likely on the dark side, but that's just another way to say sophisticated, right? Just remember to act like a Pabst every once in a while, and you'll be perfect. Cheers!!! Find out what kind of beer you would be here

I suppose I just wanted to check that these things still work...

There's no escaping it...

Around this time last year, I was unsuspectingly caught up in Dave's unofficial stag night. It was a night of ridiculous excess in terms of food eaten, alcohol consumed and money spent; the events were catalogued here for future reference and the three of us promised that some time we would get round to giving it another go.

Well last night was the night and rather than see how much alcohol we could pour down our necks (which we know is lots) we all agreed on a couple of games of ten pin bowling and a meal, interspersed with a few liquid refreshments.

The bowling? Despite several strikes, my rusty form left me in third place in game (did I mention there were only three of us?). The meal? We went to China Town in Cleethorpes maket place and althought it's not particularly originally named, they served up some excellent food with friendly service - a definite recommendation. From there we wandered down the the No.2 Under the Clock (winners of this years local CAMRA pub of the year). It was whle enjoying a pint in there that the unthinkable happened. We'd had an excellent night and decided to draw the line there and then. Before 10:30.

I dread to think that I may be getting responsible in my old age or, dare I say it, perhaps I'm growing up at last...

Dinner time...

It's Mother's Day tomorrow and this year's is a bit more special than usual seeing as Mum's been staying with Little Sis & family for the last few weeks so I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

Traditionally, I always treat her to Sunday lunch at a place of her choice and as Mother's Day co-incides with her first day back home I asked her where I should book a table. To my surprise, she asked for a repeat run of Christmas and for me to prepare a Sunday dinner at home so, my place it is.

Over the last few weeks I've been experimenting with a variety of dishes but I finally resorted to a traditional roast beef with the usual trimmings. So far, so good - the beef is cooked, carved and ready to serve tomorrow leaving the morning free to catch up on events of the last few weeks.

The only problem is that having been pottering around in the kitchen for most of the afternoon,when it came preparing something to eat for myself, I really couldn't be bothered. Meat feast pizza and garlic bread supreme it is then...

More visitors...

Another huge thanks to visitors old and new - the good ol' Bravenet hit counter passed the 7000 mark today!

In honour of this landmark event (well it is to me), I've taken a look at some 7000s (-ish) in history:

~ 7000 years ago saw the birth of the first pub, well, the Persians created bricks and wine.
~ 7000 months (approx. 583 years) ago saw the death of Richard Whittington, Lord Mayor of London, whose story is still told UK-wide each Christmas by resting actors and fading soap stars.
~ 7000 weeks (approx. 146 years) brought the arrival of one Henry McCarty, possibly better known to the world today as Billy the Kid
~ 7000 days (approx. 21 years) ago the performance of possibly the biggest and best concert ever - Live Aid (and the re-appearance of my heroes Status Quo playing live after I'd followed them for 5 gigs the previous year on their last ever "End of the Road" tour)
~ 7000 hours (approx. 10 months) ago I was celebrating my blog just having passed the 2000 hits mark (how tenuous is this getting?)
~ 7000 minutes (approx. 4 days) ago I was in the middle of one of my most lame attempts to celebrate St Patrick's Day
~ 7000 seconds (approx. 2 hours) ago I was coming down from from my first ever promotion interview over video conference. How did it go? Well I'll let you know when I get the result (hopefully within the next week).

All of which leaves the question "What will I do if I reach the 8000 hit mark?" Well I guess I've just ruled out trawling Wikipedia until I find something relevant...

A little perspective...

Yes folks, even I have room for a serious post now and then.

I'm often heard to rant (blog or otherwise) about the delights of my daily commute to Scunthorpe and back; it's not an exciting journey at the best of times.

The middle of January saw a significant chunk of the journey reduced to a single lane for essential re-surfacing of the M180 and replacing the central reservation barriers with concrete ones. No, I don't know either. Anyway, only a few weeks to go before it's over.

I also recently discovered completely by accident that the sliproad I use to get home has been closed for a few weeks for barrier repairs which means I have to go home through all of the town traffic in Scunthorpe. To say nothing of how much I love being in the town itself. Oh, I did - nothing.

Tonight, I crept out of the office a few minutes early to miss the traffic and found the A18 out of town somewhat more congested than usual. At this point I heard Sally Traffic on Radio 2 say that "there is major congestion around the M180 and the police advise that you avoid the area completely". Kind of difficult when it's the main thoroughfare home. As more reports came on the radio and I had not moved for 40 minutes, it became apparent that the entire area for several miles around had become gridlocked and showed little sign of clearing.

Ho-hum. I do know the surrounding areas quite well and while the thunder clouds were being held at bay, I thought I'd take the really scenic route and spent the next two hours traversing the winding country lanes across the wolds, encountering numerous more road repairs taking place. I do sometimes wonder if there's any truth in the rumour that the local councils and Highways Agency see the end of the fiscal year approaching, realise they have surplus budget left and dig like there's no tomorrow.

Anyway, I arrived home over two hours late and switched on my mobile to find to messages from well-wishing friends warning me of the delays (not that I had much choice but facing some of them), but I also found out that there was at least one fatality as a result of one of two major accidents that were at the root of it all.

So, despite the fact that there were hundreds of us silently raging inside our cars in the region this evening, I can't help but think of the people who are probably still waiting for someone to arrive home, thinking they are just running a couple of hours late...

Paddy's Day...

This year I felt more compelled than ever to celebrate St. Patrick's Day following our most enjoyable trip to the Emerald Isle earlier this year. Well it wasn't for the lack of trying. I put away several pints of the black stuff (is it still PC to call it that?), Little Em & I enjoyed a lovely steak dinner and the usual Friday crowd were all present and in good form. However, for some reason I still felt compelled to call it a night at 10:00pm. I even cracked open a bottle of Jamesons when I got home and rang out for more food, but something still wasn't quite right.

Is it possibly because man-flu appears to be doing the rounds again? Maybe my alcohol tolerance has finally dropped back down to human levels?

No, I'm afraid it might be that in the back of my mind, I'm worried that when we face Ireland in the Six Nations tomorrow, we put up a similar display as we did against France last week. I'm no expert, but I can say without fear of contradiction that it wasn't much fun to watch. Let's hope the Irish team have more success in achieving inebriation tonight than I did...

A few lessons...

I'm guessing everyone already knows this but here's a little reminder just in case:

1. Never go shopping for food when you're hungry

2. If you really must ignore rule 1 then make sure you have a comprehensive list with you

3. If you are irresponsible enough to ignore rules 1 and 2 then at least have the decency to eat some of the food you have just spent an entire fortune on rather than ringing out for a pizza whilst you're putting it all away.


In terms of lessons still to be learnt, I found out today that I have my first interview over video conference next week so I suppose that will be a good time to find out whether it's a good thing to do or not...

Phew...

I got in from work last night and in the midst of my rushing round getting ready to go straight back out again, I noticed the answerphone light flashing. I thought it better to check it in case it was something important and it turned out to be a young lady asking me to call a local number. Not a number I recognised, but hey, give them a call anyway. Engaged. Tried again. Still engaged. Decided it was probably just a telesales call then and carried on getting ready. Tried one last time just as I was ready to leave and

[ring, ring]
Girl: Hello Surgery...
Me: *Gulp* Hi, you left a message asking me to call you
Girl: Can you confirm your name and address please?
Me: *Bigger gulp* [confirmed name & address]
Girl: Thanks. It's about the lump you had removed last week. We've had it analysed and we've just got the results back
Me: *Huge gulp and breaking out into a cold sweat* I didn't realise you were sending it away - nobody said anything
Girl: Yes it's routine practice, we always get these things checked out just in case
Me:*Gulping, sweating and starting to feel decidedly incomfortable* and...?
Girl: Everything was fine. It was just a normal lipoma
Me: *Sigh* That's great, thanks very much

It's better to know these things I suppose, but it would have been less of a shock if I'd known it was being checked out.

Anyway, that was last night's excuse for a few beers, now for today. Oh, it's Six Nations Rugby on the big screen, so it would be rude to stay in and miss it...

No smirking...

So with today passes another poorly publicised No Smoking Day. I remember commenting last year that I'm sure they laid the guilt on much more heavily when I was smoking and I only discovered it today by accident.

All the same, I hope that plenty of you out there use today as an excuse to give it a go. I accept that I've certainly found it easier than many but if I have to pass on one tip, I would suggest that you look out for stuff by Allen Carr. I know several people who found his book really helpful although as I am always in search of the most economical solutions, I found enough inspiration on his website to convince me to stop.

How am I doing? Well I still refuse to admit that I've given up - I prefer saying that I've just stopped for now. However, if I may be allowed a brief moment to pat my own back, I've added a counter to the bottom of the blog to help me keep track of time. I can't believe I've been smoke-free so long.

One thing that ought to be smoking is my G-mail inbox. I've finally had enough of clearing out 40 or so messages every day from complete timewasters (I assume all automated) so I'm afraid all e-mail links have been taken off the blog, although you can still leave comments in the usual way. What I will say in G-mail's favour is that it does filter them quite effectively, but I'm curious to discover whether this is where they were all coming from. And after all, there are only so many offers for cheap pharmaceuticals, free software or appendage enhancement that anyone could possibly be interested in...

Telling porkies...

Every now and then you stumble across a story that whether actually true or not, is too funny to keep to yourself.

One such occasion arose when I had been talking to one of the neighbours at my last house and it turned out she used to work with a number my then colleagues at a local printers. When I next went to work, I asked if any of them knew her and they all did; some of them adding the comment "Isn't she the one who got married to Pork Pie?"

There had to be a story behind a nickname like that and sure enough, they had known this chap from many years ago when they all worked together and one particular morning he needed to go to the newsagents and asked if anybody wanted anything. One of the requests apparently went as follows:

Can you pick us up a pack of fags?
Sure, which ones to you want?
Get me twenty Bensons
What if they haven't got Bensons?
Well just bring back anything

And apparently, that's why they called him Pork Pie...

Life socks...

I've blogged several times in the past about my need for routine and my strange little neuroses, but I suspect things are seriously getting out of hand.

Whilst out on Boxing Day looking at the sales, I was in the very unusual position of being past Christmas Day and in need of some new socks. Without searching too hard, I managed to find several sets of them in the sales, but the ones that caught my eye were those with days of the week on them. Novel idea I thought and bought 2 sets with Monday to Friday designs on them and some non-descript ones for the weekends. Finally, I could throw out all of the well-worn hole-riddled socks.

The problem is that now I have to wade though a drawer full of socks every weekday morning because it's unthinkable to wear the wrong day's socks. The things in life I have to endure...

Do not adjust your set...

So I thought I'd give the old blog a bit of a new look. Why?

Because it's over 15 months since the last change?
To mark the fact I've had nearly 7000 visits to the site?
Maybe it's a celebration of having passed my 200 post mark?
More likely because I needed to kill some time whilst it was snowing outside and I was determined to have a Saturday off the beer.

Either way I'm still not too clever at the HTML so please bear with me while I get everything set up properly...

Such stamina...

I guess I knew I was onto a winner with the stay-off-the-beer-athon.

4:30 last night and a found myself in the Tap with a pint of Hobgoblin. Followed by a few more. Well I got an unexpected refund from the Land Registry so I felt the need to celebrate.

By my reckoning I survived 5 days, 20 hours and 40 minutes without a beer. And I did leave early last night. Of course that had nothing to do with snow settling on the roads and my wanting to make sure I could get a taxi...

If your face fits...

I found a link on Used Hack's blog last night which I found to hard to resist (what with my new look and all!)

Pay a visit to My Heritage and upload a photo of yourself, after which they scan it, compare it to their archives and tell you which celebrities you look like.

Anybody reading this who actually knows me will fall about laughing when they see my celebrity lookalikes (possibly as much as I did):



Just to clarify: Jason Priestley, Bruce Willis, Ashton Kutcher, Edgar Allan Poe, D.H.Lawrence and Jackie Stewart - it's just like flicking through a family album...

Decisions, decisions...

Well there I was thinking I was in a dilemma yesterday.

Thanks to Em & Dec's comments to yesterday's post it looks like a break from the booze could be on the cards for March. Is such a thing possible? I did give up for three months once and I still remember how good that first pint was. That said, it would give me a chance to save a few pounds in the bank and no doubt, to lose a few more around the waist.

Does anybody believe I am capable of such an extraordinary feat? Least of all do I? After all, I do already have plans for March:
For starters, the Six Nations comes to a conclusion this month and that could warrant some refreshment whichever way it turns out.
I hardly see Mothering Sunday passing without a tipple or two (26th March - no excuses now guys).
March the 27th, Dave, Dom & I have called "party" in honour of this expedition last year. We've all promised it will be a more sensible occasion than that one, but I doubt it will be a sober event.
Really going out on a limb, I have a promotion application going through right now which could also provide an excuse, however that turns out.

See how good I am at digging up excuses when the need arises? It's not looking hopeful is it? And take a look at this video attached to the first e-mail I opened this evening. OK, it doesn't really count as beer I suppose but it's the principle of the thing. (By the way, thanks Tom!)

Perhaps I should just start by giving up for a few days. Let's see if work tomorrow is as stressful as today has been, because by tomorrow night it will be almost a week since my last drink...

OK, I give up...

Lent begins today and I've been trying to think of something appropriate to give up for forty days. It's not that I'm short of vices it's just I have the same problem trying to pick New Years resolutions - I just need something that I stand half a chance at.

So let's consider the options:
Beer - don't be ridiculous
Cigarettes - did that already
Chocolate - hardly touch the stuff
Breakfast bacon butties - maybe, but too tempting at work
Fried food - very rarely eat any (prefer my food grilled)
Junk TV - struggle to find much TV that isn't
Celibacy - I'm not sure if my memory's that good

After much consideration throughout the day, I've finally thought of something based on my experiences over the last couple of weeks. I'm going to see if I can survive the next forty days without letting somebody jab needles into my body. I've certainly no plans for any further surgery and Stewarts Tattoo studio is bound to be booked up for the next few weeks.

Having said that, I've almost decided on the next design and I am on holiday the week after Easter...

Yesterday's quick visit...

First clue, spot the difference between these two pictures:



No? Well to be honest I did doctor one of them from the original (another clue).

OK, try these two:



Still no? Well I suppose it helps if you actually know me.

OK, for at least ten years I've had this bump (or lipoma to call it by it's Sunday name) on the side of my forehead and because it's been checked and found to be harmless I never really bothered doing anything much about it. My GP did comment once that if I was sufficiently bothered, it could easily be removed. So yesterday afternoon with a bit of time to kill I thought I'd become sufficiently bothered and find out exactly how easily. Next thing I knew I ended up with an appointment for minor surgery this afternoon.

Completely pain free, and after only 15-20 minutes there it was, gone. I can't say I'm going to miss it and although the local anaesthetic is taking it's time to wear off (better that way round I suppose), I'm having fun working on my Roger Moore impressions whilst my left eyebrow appears to have a will of it's own...

The power of sobriety...

Knowing I had the whole of today with the possibility of a lot of waiting around, I might ordinarily have taken the opportunity to spend yesterday finishing off the beer festival or maybe helped to mop up the last few today. Extremely out of character, but I decided to busy myself with a few other outstanding chores instead.

Firstly, water man arrived early enough to get his surveying out of the way (which incidentally involved more techy equipment than I had given them original credit for).

I then did my bit to support the village Post Office by queueing for ages to pay my road tax. As a quick aside, why do they even consider closing these places when there is still clearly such enormous demand? Much of which is from local elderly residents who don't necessarily have the means to get in and out of the town centre.

Next stop was down to the supermarket for the monthly shop - I had originally planned to shop weekly but the way things seem to have worked out, I'm more than pleased not to have to face the hoards as frequently.

Back home I cleared a few bits out of the garage and pottered around in the greenhouse to give these fellas a new home. Surely you didn't think I'd forgotten them? Not that they've grown a lot over the last couple of weeks - in fact they look even smaller right now.

I spent several long-overdue hours in the box room / study / studio / dumping ground clearing out some of the rubbish in there and having a move around to make a bit more space.

Had to pay a quick visit in town this evening and called in to see my "home alone" Dad while I was there (Mum's away on grandchild-sitting duties for a few weeks). Back home again and after getting two weeks worth ironing out of the way (in advance - very sad), cooked tea and even found time to update the blog.

Who received the quick visit in town? Given the unusual circumstances (no it's not another tattoo just yet), it's probably worth a special post tomorrow...

The single life...

I'm often heard to say "It's good to be single" and quite honestly, there are very few occasions when I think otherwise. Don't worry, this isn't about to turn into a drawn out whine about loneliness, far from it. I genuinely like my lifestyle and I'm sufficiently selfish to live in my own little world, happy in the knowledge I have a great family and lots of good friends.

The times I get annoyed are days like today where Anglian Water need to survey my property for suitability for a water meter. I'm not entirely sure why, seeing as the exact same design of property next door has one.

They wrote to me saying that it will only take around 30 minutes and they should be here between 08:00 and 13:00, which effectively means I need to waste a whole day of my annual leave, sitting around waiting for some bloke to turn up, take a quick look around, probably followed by "Yeah mate, no problem" before off he trots off into the sunset.

No doubt they will arrange another date for the actual meter fitting which will cost me another days holiday. Sure, I'm going to save around £200 per year on my current water bill but why should I have to waste holidays for the privilege? I'm sure there are thousands of people in similar circumstances throughout the country who have the same problem, why can't these people work evenings, or weekends, or offer a more precise appointment system?

Perhaps I should arrange my payments the same way. "Thank you for your interest in supplying water to my property. I am pleased to advise that I will be paying for your services but cannot confirm exactly when this will happen other than sometime between March and December..."

Beer Update...

Further to yesterday's post, I can report that there were two additional Fugelstou beers on sale at the Tap - "Another Three Points" and "Two Hats" which now leaves me in a dilemma.

Although Two Hats is a nice pint, Another Three Points is an excellent beer, a new brew apparently, somewhat similar to the aforementioned Rhatas but more worthy of the Beer of The Festival title. Except that it wasn't on the original list. But it was bought in especially for the festival. Does is count as part of the festival then or not?

It can't be a bad life if this is all I have to worry about...

Mission accomplished...

This weekend sees the close of the beer festival at the Tap and I'm pleased to say I managed to sample all 18 ales and not in one sitting as people may suspect.

My beer of the festival would have to be the Black Dog Rhatas, weighing in at 4.6% with a deliciously burnt chocolate flavour. To be fair however, there was only one of the other 17 that I would not be happy to drink again but we'll let that one remain nameless.

As sales have gone so well, I hear there's a couple of additions lined up this weekend from the local Fugelstou Brewery who never fail to delight so I guess it's down to the Tap again today. Besides which, I need to get the drinking muscles warmed up before the Calcutta Cup match this afternoon...

What's in it for me...

As part of the tattoo contribution gift, I was also given a jar of tattoo aftercare cream on the advice that is the best stuff available and given my lack of itching, bruising, scabbing and other associated post-tattoo symptoms I'd been warned about, I'm in no position to argue.

Seriously, it's all natural, it's very good and it does work - I've already bought another jar to continue looking after this one and in anticipation of my next inking adventure. Check out their website for further details and if you order online, they deliver next working day within the UK.

Now the shameless plugging is over, I confess I began to wonder what exactly was in this magical potion. The label on the bottom of the jar was marked "THC 20ml" - where have I seen those initials before? Perhaps it stands for The Hemp Company as that also appears on the label.

In my line of work, I'm aware that all cosmetic products must contain an INCI list (the list of ingredients with internationally agreed names) and peeling back the top layer of the label it revealed a list of the following:

Helianthius Annuus, Olea Europeae, Cera Alba, Calendula Officinalis, Lavandula Augustifolia, Melaleuca Alternifolia, Tocopheryl Acetate, Melaleuca Viridiflora.

To you and me that's:

Sunflower Seed Oil, Olive Oil, Beeswax, Marigold, Lavender Oil, Tea Tree Oil, Vitamin E and Paper Bark.

Well what else could I have possibly expected to find...

Hmmm Beer...

Today marks the start of National Pubs Week and as his contribution, Dave has around 18 guest ales lined up over the forthcoming week in the Tap.

It opens in half an hour so guess where I'm heading? After all, I'd hate to miss one...

The unveiling...

The guy is a genius. Not me obviously, I'm referring to Stewart the tattoo artist. I went in at 9:30 yesterday morning with this



and a scrap of paper with a couple of rough ideas



and my arm now looks like this



FAQ:
Am I happy with it? To say I'm delighted with the results is an enormous understatement.

What does it mean? It's a musician's advice on how to treat people - never be sharp, sometimes be flat, always be natural

How long did it take? 4.5 hours, 1.5 designing it and 3 hours "inking"

Is it addictive? Well I'm already considering the next one

Did it hurt? Not agonising pain, but it was a little uncomfortable initially

Did I feel a prick? Well I feel a bit silly with cling film on my arm but it's only for a couple of days...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?
Tatt
Tatt who?
I know, I can't believe that after years of deliberating and only three months and seven days since I drew up the basics of my design, it's finally happening this morning.

Nervous? Not really, I'm as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. Watch this space for pics over the next couple of days...

Oh what a night...

At work this morning there were numerous stories being exchanged as to how everyone had spent their romantic Valentine's evening. Eventually (and I suspect more out of mirth than curiosity) the question headed my way.

Well, for the first time in a long time last night, I returned to my own warm home, the smell of steak & ale wafting through from the kitchen, all of my washing was done and the pots were all washed and dried. An enjoyable meal was followed by a nice relaxing evening watching garbage on TV.

It's good to be single with a house full of gadgets...

All you need is...

Check out these cards - I plugged them on February 14th last year and I'm happy to do the same today. If you love someone then tell them anyway, don't wait for a lame excuse once a year to become one of the sheep.

Hmm... wait a minute... sheep... I might actually send one this year...

It's immaterial...

I had cause today to visit the head office of a major high street retailer to discuss a less than necessary complaint.

I'm proud to say that I attended suitably attired in a Matalan suit with a Primark shirt & tie (for non-UK readers they are both stores who set their clothing prices sensibly i.e. my entire outfit probably cost me less than £50).

Well that certainly showed them...

A call to arms...

Not long now until I finally get to spend the last of the birthday money and the upper half of my left arm is destined never to look the same again.

The whole decision process over getting a tattoo has been a strange and drawn out one. People who I expected to be supportive have been full of warnings and deterrents, whereas people I thought might object appear to be quite open to the idea. Of course it's my decision at the end of the day, irrespective of what anyone else might think.

I've wrestled with the idea for as long as I can remember but the dilemma has always been the same as most other people - what could I have that is going to be original? I finally decided on something late last year and after some extensive searching on the net, I've not seen the same design anywhere else and Stewart (the tattoo artist) didn't appear to have seen the idea before either. It's taken longer to arrange than I had imagined, but he has a great reputation and I haven't seen any of his work yet that I didn't like so I'm confident it will be well worth the wait.

Aside from Stewart, I've been succesful in keeping it to myself so far although almost everyone seems convinced that it will be something to to with the Wychwood Hobgoblin despite my assurance that it isn't. The only other idea I've considered since was some kind of Native American tribal symbol; possibly something like this. What other tribe could it be than Shawnee?

Anyway, by Thursday night everyone will know and if tattoos really are as addictive as everybody says, then the other ideas may get a look in yet...

With a little luck...

Sometimes you just know when you're in for a bad day. If you're a pessimist, I guess it's from the moment you wake up.

I usually try and focus on the more positive side of things, but last Thursday morning my alarm didn't go off, I woke up 20 minutes after I should have left for work, smashed my wing mirror whilst reversing out of the drive and work continued with the usual chaos that's kept me away from the blog for the last few days.

Things eventually did get better though. We had a great meal out on Friday night - thanks again Lisa for inviting us. When we left there we ended up back at Em & Paul's helping them go get rid of some very nice malts and watching Moulin Rouge and Tommy well into the following morning. Note to self: apparently I can't function on two hours sleep.

Today I managed to arrange a free replacement wing mirror, we had a good crowd in to enjoy watching the England team beat Italy in the 6 Nations and I somehow managed to leave at a sensible time with motor skills and speech capability fully intact.

Keeping on the theme of luck, I've just discovered that going onto Google, searching for "Seany" and hitting the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button brings you here. That's certainly a lot easier than looking around for pen and paper whenever anybody asks (and believe me they do occasionally). I'm also pleased to confirm that the last 20 search engine queries are finally clear of that incontinent athlete, the somewhat cuter blonde actress and those small burrowing herbivorious mammals, although the search for pictures of the latter is still the main reason people end up here. Not too lucky for them I guess...

The years go by...

I know I've said more than enough about the 40th birthday I celebrated not so long ago, but something has just occurred to me. Last week we celebrated a 30th birthday, this Friday we're out celebrating a 20th birthday so by my reckoning, in just over two weeks it could be a good time to stay in.

Hmmm. Anyway, news just in, the carrots outgrew their landscape frame over the weekend and have now gone portrait...

How to achieve inner peace...

A couple of years ago, I was sent this advice:

"I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So, before going to work this morning I finished off a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of red wine, a bottle of Jim Beam, my Prozac, some valium, a small box of chocolates, 2 litres of Fosters Lager, 1/2 can of cider, a large reefer and some cheese. You have no idea how good I feel. You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace..."

I don't know why I should have suddenly remembered it tonight, but it seemed like a good excuse for finally eating this seeing as I earnt it such a long time ago...

I do like a happy ending...

I was delighted to receive a couple of messages today to inform me that my leather jacket had been returned to the pub. Sudden feeling of remorse from the woman we suspected? I'm afraid not. It turned out that a couple of the regulars who'd been enjoying their Saturday from an earlier start than we had, left early afternoon and grabbed my jacket on the way out thinking it was one of theirs. So on the slight chance they might stumble across these pages, a big thank you goes out to Daz and Tracy for returning my jacket intact.

Does this mean that I retract my comment about the original suspect? Let's not forget that she was thrown out of the pub for rifling through jacket pockets in the first place so although my personal property was just fine, it would be selfish of me to change my original statement. I'm just grateful in hindsight that I thought it best to abandon the vigilante expedition to recover the jacket otherwise the story could have had a completely different ending...

Good news, bad news...

I've always believed that around every silver lining there's a filthy black cloud.

Yesterday got off to a pretty good start. I got all of the chores out of the way in the morning which meant we were all in the Tap for around 12:30 in preparation for an afternoon's rugby on the big screen.

What more could you ask for? Plenty of good ales, a delicious steak dinner, Ireland beat Italy (although we didn't see much of it), England beat Wales convincingly in their opening game, I even won a Six Nations rugby shirt and ball (the latter of which I re-raffled). You would struggle to ruin a day like that.

Then I discovered that someone had made off with my leather jacket. Fortunately the only thing of any value in there was my bluetooth headset, but all the same, I only bought the jacket late last year. Looking back, we think we know who took it but she was nowhere to be seen by the time we realised what had happened.

Thieving junkie bitch...

I propose a toast...

During our trip to Dublin, the subject of the best addition to cheese on toast came up (as it does) and for some reason it sprang back to mind as I was deciding what to grab as a quick snack for tea tonight. Armed with a chunk of "very close to use by date" Tesco Cheshire cheese and a loaf of Kingsmill Toastie, I put the following to the test:

• Worcestershire Sauce (as seen in the advert)
• Sprinkle of White Wine (as seen on a website somewhere)
• Tabasco Sauce (as seen next to the Lea & Perrins in my cupboard)
• Marmite (you either love it or hate it)

The verdict? Has to be the Marmite for me although I'd happily eat any of them again. In fact it's a shame I ran out of cheese otherwise I might still have been eating now...

Scary stuff...

Except for the occasional passing reference, it is almost a year since my last rant about my journey to work and as I now have a different route since moving house last year, I figured an update is due.

Firstly, the good news is that as long as the roads are free from ice & snow, I can now completely avoid the incredibly noisy & boring A180 in exchange for a few more mini-roundabouts (which amuse me anyway) and a picturesque drive through lots of twisty-turny roads and quaint villages across the Lincolnshire Wolds. I can honestly say I am looking forward to the summer (which apparently is going to be on a Tuesday this year) when the longer days will give me the opportunity to appreciate the beautiful scenery for the best part of two hours I'm travelling to and from work each day.

The bad news? Well I suppose there isn't any really. I am a pretty relaxed driver most of the time (who doesn't claim to be perfect either) and most days this reduced pace seems to be forced upon me; not by tractors going about their daily agricultural travels but by people driving along with an open road far out-stretched before them who are apparently too frightened to manoeuvre their vehicles down roads without passing places at speeds greater than 25mph. Presumably unsure whether people can still breathe at such incredible speeds. Shame isn't it?

Coming home, it is still dark at this time of year so you can fully understand that a drop in speed is the sensible thing to do. What surprised me was seeing how many people are so afraid of the dark that they use every form of illumination available to the car - headlights (full beam of course), rear lights, front and rear fog lights, hazard lights, even interior lights (presumably in case the boogey man in the back seat makes them jump). I sometimes wonder what they would do if it turned foggy.

So instead of losing patience, tailgating, sounding the horn, waving wild gestures in their general direction and shouting about hamsters, elderberries and the like, I thought it better to sympathise with the hundreds of angst-ridden motorists who share my route every day. Poor little lambs...

There's always something...

Today should really have marked the return to normality having finished off the last of the somewhat extravagant birthday celebrations throughout January. The plan was for a few of us to celebrate Em's actual birthday with a "couple" of drinks (which we did) and a spectacular win on the Monday night Tap quiz (which we fell a little short of but had fun all the same) and from this morning, it would be back to the usual routine and a chance to shed a few of the pounds gained over recent weeks. In fact that's not strictly true as by some bizarre twist of fate I've actually lost 10lb since New Year, but there's still plenty of scope to shed a few more.

It has been suggested however, that my birthday celebrations aren't finished until the tattoo is done, but enough already. It's only a couple of weeks away but there's only so long you can drag these things out. That said, the earliest appointment available meant taking a Thursday off work and after three hours in the morning sitting there getting scarred for life, I might as well extend it into a long weekend.

Then guess what? CAMRA have decided that National Pubs Week 2006 is to run the following week and if Dave has made the effort to organise something, I ought to make the occasional appearance in the Tap. So that's February taken care of then.

So far, I might manage to escape March with celebrations limited to Mother's Day, but seeing how popular Mum is (quite rightly if I may say so myself) and with the number of "adopted children" she has acquired over recent years, who knows what's in store there.

April and May bring promise of almost every family birthday and the Cleethorpes Beer Festival on Saturday 29th April for which we already seem to be drumming up a crowd before it's really been advertised.

By then we'll almost be halfway through the year so it seems quite simple to me - I might just have to settle for being a fat bloke who likes a few beers...

Changing shapes...

I've been watching "Wogan: Now and Then" this evening and realised that I have something in common with some of the rich and famous. For those not familiar with the format, he has re-launched his chat show and has invited back some of his guests from his original show 20 years or so ago.

Other than the host himself, so far this evening we have seen Christopher Lee, Freddy Starr and David Icke, all of whom have dramatically changed outline over the last twenty years, as have I. I'm just proud that I've managed it on a significantly reduced budget to theirs.

Oh, and on the subject of things changing shape, here's the weekly carrot update...

On this day...

Apparently today is Australia Day and also Republic Day in India, so what better way to celebrate than spaghetti bolognese with a mini garlic baguette for supper, washed down with a couple of glasses of Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon. No, I couldn't think of a connection either but it was very tasty. Anyway, greetings to any Australian or Indian readers who may be looking in because as incredible as it may seem, total visits to date stand at 152 and 9 respectively.

Judging from the journey home tonight I would have guessed at "forget how to dip your headlights and drive like a twat" day, but I'm feeling too full to rant now so I'll save that for another day...

A few ideas...

In the good old days, well more accurately while I was away enjoying my break from work, somebody in their infinite wisdom has decided it would be a good idea to carry out extensive road works on the M180 which means at typical "rush hour" times, Scunthorpe is pretty much closed to moving traffic and apparently this is set to continue for the next two months. Now there are those who would say that closing Scunthorpe could be seen as quite an attractive idea, but seeing I'm paid to travel there five days a week, I feel obliged to disagree.

As part of the roadworks, they closed the exit slip road onto the M181 which is my preferred route as it goes around Scunthorpe rather than through it. Although there is always a slight possibility that this closure could actually have been necessary, I thought it may have been a good idea to notify motorists of this closure a little further in advance than one mile; maybe before the previous junction to avoid a ten mile detour. Apparently the Highways Agency decided my idea was not such a good one.

This evening I thought that whilst still coming down from the Dublin experience and still in touch with my Gaelic side, it would be appropriate idea to salute Scotland's favourite son in some way or other and I ended up on this site in my quest to find out whether we had a family tartan. Apparently we have at least these four, although there are plenty more out there so I'm really none the wiser:



Perhaps it's best if I just stick to what I'm good at, so I raise a glass of the finest single malt I have to hand with the following toast:

Slainte maith, h-uile latha, na chi 'snach fhaic!
(Good health, every day, whether I see you or not)

Now there's a bloody good idea...

There goes another one...

I'm not about to start complaining about my first day back because without matching a single number on the last Euromillions lottery draw, I guess the return to work was inevitable. Still, I suppose there's always this Friday and the jackpot should be around £100,000 now. No, my main reason for posting tonight is that I see the Bravenet hit counter has just passed the 6000 mark and I never like to let these occasions pass without comment.

I'm aware of a few new readers who've told me they've been looking in recently, so thanks for stopping by and in return I'll save any embarassment by not naming you!

Equal thanks go to the regular readers and commenters; I am grateful for (and still somewhat bemused by) your continued interest.

So here's hoping I can keep your attention for a few more posts yet and this time I thought I'd mark the occasion of 6k hits with 6 notable 'K's...

Clutching at straws...

It always amazes me how much more you can get done when you stay away from the pop for the weekend. However, still not much to blog about as unfortunately, all of my achievements today have been of the last minute domestic variety before the return to work tomorrow.

Made a delicious toad-in-the-hole with onion gravy for lunch; a first for me although I'm sure it's an old favourite for millions of students across the country.



Built a wardrobe (not exactly the most impressive achievement of my DIY history) and finally sorted out a load more clothes.



After only eight days, I finally got a taste of the birthday cake so I can personally confirm that the cake was as impressively tasty as it was decorated.



Finally, taking inspiration from Declan's comment yesterday, I waited until after dark and challenged the age-old myth as to whether carrots help you to see in the dark. Well, I'll let the results speak for themselves:



Or perhaps it's about time I got the microwave checked over...

Almost back to normal...

It's back to work on Monday and I can say in total confidence that I haven't missed the place one little bit. So with two days ahead of me of moping around and feeling sorry for myself, I thought I'd update you on the carrot plantation.



I worked out yesterday that at this rate, if I only eat two carrots every three months or so, I could become completely self sufficient...

Sláinte...

I guess it's time to update the "30 things" list again as I'm delighted to add Ireland the list of countries I've visited.

We arrived in Dublin on Tuesday afternoon following a journey which, other than a 50 minute delay on the first leg of the jouney by train, went exactly as scheduled. I'm still not entirely sure how Ryanair managed to fly us there for the incredible fare of 1p each, but as long as they keep offering those sort of deals, I am quite happy to keep returning to Dublin.

The Parliament Hotel was ideally situated for our needs and although it didn't offer the most extravagant accomodation I've stayed in, it was very comfortable and extremely reasonably priced. Having dropped off our bags in the room, we set out on a quest for our first pint of Guinness in Ireland, which unsurprisingly, didn't take long. The result? We couldn't tell any difference from the Guinness back in the Tap! Hmmm...

Undeterred we moved on to The Temple Bar where the Guinness did taste noticeably better. Phew, there is some truth in the myth after all, although it's not as incredibly different as some would have you believe. We decided that maybe it's more to do with drinking Guinness in Dublin itself and soaking up the atmosphere aswell as the beer. However, this place also boasts a selection of 180 varieties of whisk(e)y so it would have been rude not to sample a few! All of this accompanied by live traditional live music which afforded the opportunity for many a sing-along. The Temple Bar will definitely go down as one of my favourite pubs of all time and I have every intention of returning.

I'll not give a blow by blow account of the entire trip, but following a Full Irish Breakfast, we managed to cram in plenty of "must see" attractions on Wednesday:
~ Oscar Wilde's house (albeit only from the outside)
~ The Book of Kells on display at Trinity College
~ The Molly Malone Statue
~ Grafton Street Shopping Centre
~ Christchurch Cathedral
~ The Guinness Storehouse
~ The Old Jamesons Distillery

We rounded off the day with a lovely meal at Gallaghers Boxty House where the Atlantic Seafood Chowder starter afforded the opportunity to eat some cockles and mussels (amongst others) which was another Dublin "must" crossed off the list. A quick drink in the Dawson Lounge (Dublin's smallest pub) and then back to the Temple Bar to finish.

Overall, an outstanding trip that was over all too soon, but was all the more enjoyable as I was in great company - thanks again Em!

I thoroughly recommend that everyone should visit Dublin; there's plenty of links here to get you started so go and discover the place for yourself...

The final results are in...

I'm sorry to keep banging on about the birthday, but I had a quick tally up this morning of how generous everyone has been. Aside from aforementioned party-related activities, I also received this little lot:



In addition, I got £130 in cash and vouchers, £50 of which I've promised to add to the tattoo fund. Not to mention of course the endless stream of drinks, several of which I'm sure are still waiting to be claimed from behind the bar.

Oh, and a total of 47 cards plus a greeting which appeared in the local paper along with a photo that prohibits me from adding it to the blog.

I'd like to think that the subject is going to end here, but we're flying out to Dublin tomorrow, a trip over which I have to admit I'm really excited, if for no other reason than to see whether it lives up to the hype. I can't honestly say that expecting any disappointment whatsoever.

In the meantime, in the words of the legendary rockers Status Quo, the party ain't over yet...

Well worth the wait...

I have been heard to comment several times that last Christmas was probably the best I've ever had and I think it's fair to say that my recent birthday and the associated celebrations have to be the best too.

It turns out that Mum has been working hard for well over a year tracking down all manner of people who I've not seen for years to celebrate with me last night. Old workmates, school mates, many of whom I've known since my age was still in single figures all turned up and showered me (not literally) with drinks and presents.

Dave provided an excellent buffet as always, John Boy did us proud with a superbly appropriate birthday cake:



Entertainment was excellent courtesy of The Elderly Brothers who provided much opportunity for sing-along and dancing with a guest spot featuring some well chosen songs by Roger Beard.

I was really humbled by the whole occasion and that so many people had gone to so much effort, so if any of you are reading this then please accept my heartfelt thanks. Of course, if you didn't make it, you missed one of our best nights out in a long time.

All I have left now to round off the partying is a three-day trip to Dublin. I'm sure that's destined to be another suitably sober occasion...

Tick, Tick, Tick...

It's a bit of a limbo day today. Regular readers will know that my Saturdays often consist of a Hobgoblin consumption marathon but seeing as it's the "surprise" party tonight, I don't really want to start too early and end up forgetting half of the occasion.

So, I have a lift arranged for 6:00pm tonight which, to be fair, still allows five hours of partying, but also means that I have an entire day with not a lot to do. The chores are all done around the house, I've cooked and eaten one of my favourite dinners and short of tearing myself away from the "8 Simple Rules" marathon on ABC1 this afternoon, there doesn't seem much else on the agenda today.

One little task that I ought to get out of the way is an update for you as I'm sure you're all intrigued as to how the carrot plantation is coming along. So I'll not keep you in suspense any longer...

On being forty...

We had a really enjoyable night last night out for a few celebration drinks and I'm pleased to say that the milk thistle worked it's magic leaving me with a clear head this morning.

Next event is the "surprise" party on Saturday night, which although is clearly not actually a surprise, there's a lot of familiar faces from the past planned to make an appearance so I'm really looking forward to that.

Today then I opted for a sensible day away from any alcohol whatsoever and without moving much further than in front of the TV. In order to to compensate for the alcohol de-tox, I've also managed to eat up a load of the junk left over from Christmas which has been great.

So perhaps life really did start yesterday, but on that sort of lifestyle, I'm not sure how long it would last...

So Life Begins Here Then...

So here we are and as of 3:45 this morning it will be my 40th birthday which means that in only a few hours time, Mum will almost certainly be joyfully(?) re-telling the story of my breech birth to the Tap regulars and confirming what an awkward sod I've been ever since.

If it's true what they say and life begins here, then what's the deal with everything that's gone on so far? Was that a trial run? A warm up? A rehearsal? Just for a laugh perhaps? Would I do anything different if I had the chance to start over? Probably not.

Like anyone else, I've had my fair share of diversity; young and less so, long haired and less so, skinny and less so, happy and less so, single and less so. I guess these are the experiences that contribute to us being the individuals that we are.

Well, if life begins here then I'm going to start with an official launch, except that rather than crack a bottle of bubbly open over my head, I'll settle for emptying a pint glass or two and enjoying a few days off work...

Rattle, rattle, rattle...

I think I may have stumbled across another potential new years resolution this morning. As part of my attempts to get healthier last year, I ordered a whole heap of vitamin pills and herbal supplements over the internet which I've been taking most mornings:

Ginko Biloba - to improve short term memory (when I remembered to take it)
Garlic - to help maintain a healthy heart
Cod Liver Oil - for joints, heart and brain
MilkThistle - for liver detoxification
Multi Vitamins - for anything left over

It occured to me this morning that I have suffered more colds (breaking into man-flu in the more serious cases) in the last twelve months than I can ever remember before, despite taking all of these wonderful things to ward off all ails. So I've decided once these have gone that I will revert to just one simple multi-vitamin every morning and save a load of messing about.

The one exception has to be the milk thistle which I have taken for quite sometime now and raved about previously here. It definitely works from my experience and I obviously have no intentions of warding off any ales...

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Nothing out of the ordinary has been going on over the last couple of days, so as promised, I thought you might like to see how the carrots are doing at one week old:



Alan Titchmarsh, eat your heart out.

Oh, and I finally got my name on the waiting list at the tattoo studio...

If only they'd asked me...

This advert seems to be on TV every five minutes right now and every time I see it, the same thought always crosses my mind.

I asked Magnet to design me a new kitchen and they asked me for one object to sum up what usually goes on in there. So I gave them this...

Back down to earth...

With a bang I hasten to add.

Like millions of other people, today marked my return to work and despite the repetitive hammering on the snooze button, it was inevitable that eventually I would have to crawl out of my pit and make an effort. So I arrived this morning, brand new year, brand new attitude (?) and one minute late - great start. In the name of balance, I was 35 minutes late leaving tonight and I think that's more typical of how the year will continue (if only I can keep it down to 35 minutes).

On the subject of good intentions, I got the running machine set up this evening and gave it a trial run. Well, brisk walk to be more exact. Well, to be honest, by the time I'd cleared the dust from it, that was best part of a workout in itself.

The diet's off to a good start aswell. I've decided that with all of the festivities planned throughout January, surely I can't be expected to turn 40, help two other friends celebrate advancing years (I never said how many Em!) and survive three days in Dublin whilst all the time watching what I'm eating? So February 1st is the new start date. Unless I can find an excuse to put it off even further. For starters, the 1st of February is a Wednesday which is a lousy day to start anything. The first month in 2006 that starts on a Monday morning is May, but that is the month when the rest of the family have their birthdays. I've managed to find a plethora of excuses for delay in years gone by so why should this year be any different?

You know what they say, procrastinatation is the mother of... oh, never mind, I'll look it up tomorrow...

This year's blogging project...

Talking to Little Sis yesterday exchanging the New Year best wishes stuff, I happened to mention this blog, or more to the point, the fact that she never reads it and her defense was that I never read hers. A little unfair I think considering that I helped to get started on this one, I set up another one for her here (not strictly for blogging to be fair), but apparently she now also has a shared blog here that passed me by.

In it's very early stages it's fair to say, but it did inspire me whilst preparing dinner and instead of throwing out my carrot tops, I decided to leave them in a saucer full of water on the kitchen window sill (just like we used to do at primary school). Regular readers will be all too aware of my sporadic bloggers block and here we have the perfect solution; whenever I'm short on ideas, I'll just post an update on the carrot tops.

So here's the first one to kick things off:



If this goes to plan, I've another project planned for later in the year involving a plank of wood and some paint I have in the garage...