Back on the road again...

Everyone seems to blog about commuting at some time and here's my offering.

For reasons better known to myself at the time, ten years ago, I succesfully applied for a job for one of my then customers in Scunthorpe which is about 35-40 miles from where I live. (Don't get me started on Scunthorpe - that's another blog entirely). Accordingly I spend about an hour and a half a day in my car trundling up and down the A180/M180. Admittedly, it's not the sort of journey that Michael Palin is about to base his next travel series on, but it's all I've got to work with (quite literally).

Whenever I am asked whether I mind the travel or not, I usually reply that at least it gives me time to wake up in the morning before I reach my office and it equally affords time for me to unwind from a stressful day before I get home in the evening. In theory.

Though not overly congested as a rule, it is still an unpleasant road to say the least. I was surprised to learn of the number of parliamentary discussions that have taken place over said route over the last 18 years (see point 2 here or search on that link for M180 to get full details). Aside from the fact that people have literally been dying of boredom on the route, it provides me with a forum to rant about the less than considerate travellers I share the road with each day.

I ought to start by stating that I am not what you'd consider a speed freak, but equally I'm not your flat-capped-middle-lane-60mph driver either. I rely on the fact that travelling just inside the speed limit affords me that extra few minutes in bed each morning (honestly officer).

As the road has only two lanes for the majority of its length, this seems to bring out the worst in people. Why do lorries always pick the two-lane sections to try and overtake each other? Emphasis on the word "try". They drag along side by side for miles on end when a third lane would easily have enabled a milk float or elderly cyclist to get by.

While you are stuck behind a pair of these, the driver behind you decides he is going to park in your boot until everyone can get by. What is the point? Surely you can see that I can't either get past or pull over? Is driving 3mm behind me at that speed going to help matters? No, its only going to piss me off.

When the passing point eventually arrives, I'll pull over at which point my follower will whizz past, cut right in front of me then slow down again. So where is the f*cking panic now then?

Then it starts to rain and because of the well planned drainage on the road, puddles begin to appear and there's another lorry ahead you are going to need to overtake. Aside from the fact he is spraying up more water than is descending from the sky, he appears to be spraying it from all four sides at once. Some lorries have brushes within their wheel arches which reduces this problem considerably. Why don't they have to fit these by law? I'm not a great fan of the equivalent of shutting my eyes and putting my foot down in the hope that I'll get past in one piece.

My other favourite of drivers behind you, especially at this time of year with dark mornings and evenings along with crap weather conditions to contend with... wait a sec, crap weather conditions? Once a year for about 3 weeks we endure a couple of inches of snow and the country comes to a complete standstill? How the hell do they cope in Sweden, or Canada, or other snowy climes? Perhaps they abandon their public transport system, declare a national "crap weather" holiday, or perhaps they just get organised because they know it is going to snow. Anyway, back to my point. Visibility is as low as it is likely to get until in my rear view mirror, I can see two super-trouper search lights emerging from the horizon. Or perhaps it's another one of those dickheads who doesn't know when to dip their headlights? Listen pal, just because you are scared of the dark doesn't mean you have to illuminate your surrounding square mile for the rest of us. Inconsiderate tossers.

And then there's miles of traffic cones for no apparent reason. We only have two lanes to play with. Please don't deprive us of one of them unless someone is actually going to do something within the restricted area, like resurfacing the road at last to save my having to replace my speakers every 6 months trying to drown out the road noise.

Actually, resurfacing work starts on Monday 28th February and is likely to take up to three hundred years to complete. Thankfully, at worst, I will have less than thirty of those to worry about...